- defensiveness is a way to protect our ego and a fragile self-esteem. ([Location 3017](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=3017)) - our self-esteem is considered fragile when our failures, mistakes, and imperfections decrease our self-worth. ([Location 3017](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=3017)) - the opposite of a fragile self-esteem is grounded confidence. With ==grounded confidence, we accept our imperfections and they don’t diminish our self-worth==. ([Location 3018](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=3018)) - Any perceived call-out of our weakness is experienced as an attack on our worth, so we fight hard to defend ourselves against it. ([Location 3020](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=3020)) - ==In order to try to limit our exposure to information that differs from how we think of ourselves, we get defensive and overjustify, make excuses, minimize, blame, discredit, discount, refute, and reinterpret==. ([Location 3022](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=3022)) - Defensiveness blocks us from hearing feedback and evaluating if we want to make meaningful changes in our thinking or behavior based on input from others. ([Location 3024](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=3024)) - Note: Consider how this impacts on [[reflective practice]] - When I get defensive, I often get tunnel vision and start planning what I’m going to say instead of listening. ([Location 3033](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=3033))