See [[What is my definition of belonging?]] ## True Belonging and its importance. - Any belonging that asks us to betray ourselves is not true belonging. ([Location 2510](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=2510)) - belonging has to start with acknowledging that love and belonging are irreducible needs for all people. ==In the absence of love and belonging, there is always suffering==. ([Location 2510](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=2510)) - recent research shows that finding a sense of belonging in close social relationships and with our community is essential to well-being. ([Location 2512](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=2512)) - Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone.3 ([Location 2519](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=2519)) ## Belonging today - ==We want to be a part of something—to experience real connection with others—but not at the cost of their authenticity, freedom, or power==. Participants further reported feeling surrounded by “us versus them” cultures that create feelings of spiritual disconnection. ([Location 2534](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=2534)) - When I dug deeper into what they meant by “spiritually disconnected,” the research participants described a diminishing ==sense of shared humanity==. Over and over, participants talked about their concern that the only thing that binds us together now is shared fear and disdain, not ==common humanity, shared trust, respect, or love==. ([Location 2536](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=2536)) - Reluctant to choose between being loyal to a group and being loyal to themselves, but lacking that deeper spiritual connection to shared humanity, they were far more aware of the pressure to “fit in” and conform. ([Location 2539](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=2539)) - “connection to a larger humanity gives people more freedom to express their individuality without fear of jeopardizing belonging.” ([Location 2541](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=2541)) - ==True belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.== ([Location 2545](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=2545)) - When we work to fit in and be accepted, our “belonging” is tenuous. If we do or say something that’s true to who we are but outside the expectations or rules of the group, we risk everything. If people don’t really know who we are and what we believe or think, there’s no true belonging. ([Location 2547](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=2547)) - Because we can feel belonging only if we have the courage to share our most authentic selves with people, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance. ([Location 2553](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=2553)) - Belonging is a practice that requires us to be vulnerable, get uncomfortable, and learn how to be present with people without sacrificing who we are. ([Location 2556](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=2556)) - introversion was mistaken for weakness and extroversion for confidence. ([Location 2569](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=2569)) - ==As a parent, my goal is to help my children believe in and belong to themselves, and to know that, no matter what, they always belong at home==. That we see them and love them for who they are. ([Location 2577](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=2577)) ## See also - [[Matter]]