Cultivating meaningful connection is a daring and vulnerable practice that requires grounded confidence, the courage to walk alongside others, and story stewardship. ([Location 3845](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=3845)) ##### Developing Grounded Confidence - The core learning in Dare to Lead is that it’s not fear that gets in the way of courage, it’s armour—how we self-protect when we feel uncertain or fearful. ([Location 3852](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=3852)) - “Trauma victims cannot recover until they become familiar with and befriend the sensations in their bodies. ... Physical self-awareness is the first step in releasing the tyranny of the past.” ([Location 3937](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=3937)) - embodiment as “the awareness of our body’s sensations, habits, and the beliefs that inform them.11 Embodiment requires the ability to feel and allow the body’s emotions. This embodied awareness is necessary to realign what we do with what we believe.” ([Location 3950](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=3950)) - “an unawareness, repression or denial of our sensations and emotions, and/or privileging our thinking over our feeling.12 Disembodiment often leads to an incongruence between the actions we take in the world and the beliefs that we hold.” ([Location 3954](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=3954)) - When we are disembodied or disconnected from our own feelings and sensations, it’s easy to become habituated to practices that we don’t believe in or value.” ([Location 3960](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=3960)) - Note: Overeating as an example? ##### Practicing the Courage to Walk Alongside - What does it mean to be other-focused, to use language in the service of connecting, to be compassionate, empathic, and nonjudgmental? ([Location 3967](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=3967)) - My dissertation is a study on how helping professionals build and maintain connection with the people they serve. ([Location 3970](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=3970)) - The work is a commitment to be with people—not pushing them from behind or leading from the front, but walking with them in solidarity. ([Location 3972](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=3972)) - The near enemy of walking alongside is controlling the path. ([Location 3975](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=3975)) - “Help is the sunny side of control.”15 ([Location 3982](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=3982)) - Reverend King defined power as the ability to achieve purpose and effect change. ([Location 3994](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=3994)) - Power with is “based on mutual support, solidarity, collaboration and recognition and respect for differences.” ([Location 4001](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=4001)) - Power to is “based on the belief that each individual has the power to make a difference.” ([Location 4003](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=4003)) - Power within is defined by an ability to recognize differences and respect others, grounded in a strong foundation of self-worth and self-knowledge. ([Location 4005](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=4005)) - Walking away, the far enemy of walking alongside, includes both discounting and dominating behaviors such as ignoring, dismissing, power over, and building walls (literally and figurately). ([Location 4008](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=4008)) ##### Practicing Story Stewardship - I no longer believe that we can recognize emotion in other people, regardless of how well we understand human emotion and experience or how much language we have. ([Location 4015](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=4015)) - Two reasons: Too many emotions and experiences present the exact same way. There’s no way to know through observation if your ([Location 4017](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=4017)) - tears come from grief, despair, hopelessness, or resentment, just to name a few. Absolutely no way. While research shows that there are some universal facial expressions for a small number of emotions, how we express what we’re feeling and experiencing can be as unique as we are.21 ([Location 4018](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=4018)) - Story stewardship means honoring the sacred nature of story—the ones we share and the ones we hear—and knowing that we’ve been entrusted with something valuable or that we have something valuable that we should treat with respect and care. ([Location 4023](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=4023)) - The near enemy of practicing story stewardship is performing connection while driving disconnection. Performative connection means that we’re acting interested or invested, but there’s more going on under the surface that’s really driving disconnection and separation. ([Location 4028](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=4028)) - The greatest threat to story stewardship is the two near enemies of building narrative trust: narrative takeover and narrative tap-out. ([Location 4033](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=4033)) - Narrative tap-outs can range from subtle disinterest to complete shutdowns. If we had thought bubbles they’d say “This is too uncomfortable” or “I don’t care enough about you to care about this” or “I can’t take this on right now.” ([Location 4036](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=4036)) - we can tap out of sharing our own stories too. Often this is about a lack of grounded confidence that our stories matter or a lack of self-trust about when and how we share them. ([Location 4040](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=4040)) - Rather than being good stewards of a story, we hijack the story and center ourselves. ([Location 4043](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=4043)) - A cultural example of narrative takeover is the Black Lives Matter movement. ... There was never a narrative of “white lives and police lives don’t matter” in this movement. This was an attempt to, once again, decenter Black lives and take over the narrative. ([Location 4049](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=4049)) - when we are reckless with people’s stories, we diminish our own humanity. ([Location 4056](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=4056)) #### Language and Meaningful Connection - knowing and applying the language of human experience and emotion is a key property of all of the major categories that support meaningful connection. ([Location 4105](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=4105)) - As you can see in the graphic, the near enemy of knowing and applying language is shaping emotion and experience to fit what we know. We take nuanced experiences like despair or hopelessness and force them into whatever language we have—maybe sadness or anger. ([Location 4110](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B09DTJM18Q&location=4110))